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My 9 Month Journey to Surrender

Updated: Nov 13, 2021


Hi and welcome back to The Empowered Birth Podcast. I have been on a major hiatus and I am now back! I’ve been in the thick of postpartum with my third beautiful baby girl and figuring out how to homeschool my 5 and 3 year old. We have been through a couple of job changes and all while working on marriage and motherhood. It’s been a lot but I’m so excited to be back and talk all things birth with you all! This episode could go on for hours if I discussed everything I learned just related to the word surrender, but I am going to keep it short and sweet and maybe go into some more juicy details over on my Patreon. As I’m re launching after a 7 month break from recording I was trying to think of the best way to nurture community for women who want more than just a twice a month podcast. I asked over on my private Facebook groups and the vote was a resounding one on one from a close friend or from like minded women who are going through the same thing and that’s what this Patreon will be. If you’re pregnancy or freshly postpartum this is where your tribe is going to be! And if you just like listening and getting information with this podcast thank you so much! Go to and pick your membership level now! I appreciate each and everyone of you! Each member helps the podcast going! You are necessary for the life and inspiration of this movement! Remember to download, review and share if this episode has helped you or you think it would help someone else! Now let’s get into the show


Surrender- Miriam Webster dictionary defines surrender as :to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand. I could not find a more accurate word to describe this past 9 months with you. It did start with my daughter’s birth. You can go back to episode 47 to hear more about that. I want you to hang in there with me because I don’t believe this word is just for me. I believe that many women, especially those who like to think they are in more control then they really are, will benefit from today’s episode. Now I will say that learning this word has been not fun, nor easy. I would not describe the experiences that lead me to yield to Jesus as pleasant or a walk in the park. What I will say is when you let go of what ever you think you’re in control of and allow the Lord to lead you… well friend… it will be an adventure.

Yes this is a birth podcast and I promise I will get to the birthy application but you need to hold on with me for just a while longer. When I say surrender I don’t want you to have in mind picture of a white flag surrendering to enemy forces, or even surrendering to a bad boyfriend. I want you to picture in your head a Father who has known everything about your past, your present and your future but when He looks at you He looks at you with complete favor and delight. He’s looking at you and saying, “do you trust me?” “Are you ready to give up your notion of control and follow me into the plan I have for you? It’s going to be an adventure!” I want you to picture the complete and perfect love that you can imagine. It is to this that I am saying.. surrender.

Again back to birth. It is a question every Homebirth parent has to explore and come to peace with, “what if something happens to the baby while we are at home?” Each baby we have we are having to ask this question. My husband and I typically approach it and come to a resolution by asking ourself. “Is this Lord calling us into Homebirth for this baby?” If we feel a peace and confirmation then we move onto the next question “Who really is in control of life or death?” Do we really believe that the doctors have more ability to protect our child than our Savior? So if we know that the Lord has called us into birthing at home then we can know that we are doing what he wants us to and that is who we answer to. This is not saying that everything is going to be perfect because he told us to do it but that what ever happens we know that he is in control. We can therefore surrender our control and power to Him who knows the future. The first step in surrendering in your birth decisions is asking the Lord where? “Where Lord and I supposed to birth and who is supposed to be there?” He cares.. I promise. When I had the gush of blood on my due date I had to surrender my fear and my next step to the Lord and ask what he wanted us to do. My husband, birth attendant and I asked the lord if I should go to the hospital or stay. We assessed, waited, prayed and ended up staying home. When my birth felt like it was taking way too long and I thought it should be over I had to surrender my expectations to him. You see… I thought I had control but he was gently guiding me into surrender.. into a deeper trust. I do believe our thoughts and words are powerful but I wasn’t able to manifest a 5 hr birth 😂 I believe that He wants to use your pregnancy and birth to do this too! Application step… I want you to write down a calendar event on your phone, go ahead, get it out… I want to you write: “Take 10” When you see this everyday for the next week I want you to take 10 minutes to ask the Lord what he wants you to learn from my pregnancy and birth and ask him to help me surrender these experiences to you for His glory. As I was planning this podcast I asked a wise friend of mine what nugget of truth she had for me about surrender and I just love what she said. She said I think He just wants us to lean into him and know him and experience him with out getting anything out of it. I think surrender is just truly yielding, letting God be God, have complete control and absolute trusting him in the process of birth. It just reminded me how personal God is. Things are going to happen in our lives but through it all He will use them for our good and his glory and to draw us into deeper intimacy with HIm.

My birth was the kick off to this lesson he was guiding me into of surrender. After Elyse was born and my creativity and drive to produce anything decreased dramatically. I shut down my course that I had spent years creating and perfecting. I asked myself many times if I should shut down the podcast too. My business had become and idol. I had held it up on a pedestal that gave me worth, it gave me significance and recognition. Sure I was helping thousands of women but who was it really for? My glory or Gods? Again the Lord was gently guiding me on a journey of surrendering my need to provide for my family. He said he was the great provider. I had to become ok with the fact that I may never create again. In June I got a word from my pastor and I have held onto it. He said, “You will create again.” It was so encouraging to know that the love I have for birth and for helping women through content creation would come back one day. I love how the Lord uses other people sometimes to lift up and encourage you. Where are those people in your life? Again if you’re looking Patreon may be where it’s at for you! You’ll get on the ground floor and be able to make tight knit connections and be apart of creating wonderful community!

Another area that surrender came in was giving up my usurped authority/power in marriage. I’m not sure what it is about marriage that makes you so self centered? For pretty much all of our almost 8 years of marriage I thought that my strengths were superior, that my husband had a lot of learning to do and maybe one day he would catch up to me and take back the authority I had stolen. I so desperately wanted him to lead but I was too busy pushing him out of the way anytime he tried. The Lord is transforming and healing our marriage in ways I never knew was possible but he has used this lesson of surrender to do that. I pray that you will one day be able to experience the richness and freedom that can come when you do marriage God’s way. I currently am still in the process of learning how to do that although what I do know is that as long as I keep putting the Lord first and my husband second it will continue to improve. Speaking of marriage did you know that the times when our marriage felt the strongest and most intimate was during our last two Homebirth? I surrendered my tough shell and allowed his power to hold me up as contractions were surging. He prayed for me, he gave me his hand to squeeze and he cried with me when we met our babies. Surrendering is powerful.

As I am sitting here writing this I am praying that there was something in this episode that you can take away and either relate or pray on. Surrender is scary but when it is to the Creator of the universe who wants an intimate relationship with you, it’s an enthralling journey. If you haven’t met Jesus yet and you want me to introduce him to you send me a DM on Instagram and we can chat more! If I could leave you with some practical application as you simmer on this episode it would be:

  1. What control do you think you have over this situation and is it true or not?

  2. What is the character of Jesus? What am I learning who He is through this situation?

  3. Am I making decisions based on fear or a sound mind?

  4. Is the favor of the Lord on this decision? Have I been seeking him?

  5. Ask Jesus to help you surrender and gently guide you into what He has for you.

  6. Trust that He will and stop striving to make something happen. Wait my friend for when the time is right it will happen.

We are living in crazy times my friends. Times where there are things well out of our control. We can continue to try and control with gaining information of all the darkness or we can surrender to God our desire to know and control outcomes. Patreon has officially launched today so if you would like to support this podcast and at the same time get special bonuses including:

  • Group Q&A sessions

  • Active Voxer group to help encourage each other

  • Early releases of episodes

Go to and pick a membership status that best suits your needs! Can’t wait to see you all apart of this growing community!

See ya next time!

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