Do you want a doula but your partner has some hesitations? Let me address TWO of the most common reservations I’ve heard from people about hiring a doula and ways you can try to get them on board!
The first reservation I hear is:
“It’s so expensive!”
Yes.. having a doula is an investment. One of the best investments you can make in my honest opinion! Birth matters and it takes a lot of planning and work before the big day. You will meet before hand and she will teach you all about the labor process, some exercises you can do to prepare your body for birth and talk about your birth plan and some things that may come up during labor so you can be prepared for every scenario.
She usually is on call a few weeks before your due date, putting her life on hold so she can be available to you at any moment. During the birth she is there physically helping you through each contraction, directing your partner in the ways he can best support you and encouraging you with the words you need to hear to make it through one more contraction! If you believe birth matters and you would like to have some extra support and help planning beforehand having a doula is your best bet. There are some studies to say that having a doula can decrease the liklihood of being dissatisfied by your birth by 31%! The “expensive excuse” is more of a values problem. If you see the need and the value in planning for your birth then you will invest in a doula because you see that having her can increase your chances of a positive experience.
A lot of doulas will have discounts or payment plans they will be happy to discuss with you if you ask! Doulas get into this profession to help women, not for the money. We believe all women should have access to doula care and would love to help in anyway possible, while still providing for our family.
"What does a doula do? Can’t I be your support person."
Most of the time when I hear this its coming from the place of not wanting to be replaced by the doula. I always encourage the partner that I am not there to take his place. I am there to be an addition to the team. I am there as an extra cheerleader and a director of sorts. I am there to give ideas on how your partner can best support you. Birth is something so powerful and transformative.
A woman has this super power... When a woman is in labor her intuition is heightened. She can sense what the birthing woman needs and when she needs it. Sometimes a man has a hard time knowing what his partner needs. Not always! I have been apart of plenty of births where the husband knows exactly what she needs and when she needs it! In that instance the doula is there as that cheerleader, extra hand and relief to stand in if he needs a break.
There is plenty of evidence saying that having a doula as your continuous support person during labor can:
25% decrease in the risk of Cesarean; the largest effect was seen with a doula
8% increase in the likelihood of a spontaneous vaginal birth; the largest effect was seen with a doula
10% decrease in the use of any medications for pain relief
Shorter labors by 41 minutes on average;
38% decrease in the baby’s risk of a low five minute Apgar score (evidencedbasedbirth.com/the-evidence-of-doulas/)
Ok, so you know the reservations your partner may have but now what? These are 5 things you can talk to your partner about to help him see why you would like a doula and how it would benefit the both of you!
Hey honey, labor can sometimes get super long and exhausting. I know you might need a break and it would be nice to have someone there who could stay with me if you need a nap or step out to have a bite to eat! I would rather not be alone and I want you to be refreshed for when the baby comes cause I’ll need to sleep!
The statistics for having a doula there are crazy! Healthy mom and healthy baby matters and having someone there who knows all about birth to help is priceless to me!
Hey babe, I know you love when I talk about birth things to you but I”m sure you may get tired of it sometimes. Right? Well it would be nice to have someone I could text or call anytime to talk about birth and my fears and questions!
I would really like a natural birth but I have no idea on what to expect during labor. I would like to learn more so I can be prepared. A doula will come to our house and teach us what a normal labor looks like and how we can prepare during pregnancy!
I know I’m planning on getting an epidural but I would really like to have someone there who knows how to keep labor progressing while I’m in bed.
Hey what do you think of my birth plan?..... Ok well I would really like to have someone who knows how birth works and what my options are go over this with us. Do you mind if I hire a doula to walk us through our options?
One last thing that would be helpful is bring your partner to doula interviews! Do multiple interviews so you can find the doula that best fits with not just you as the mama but your partner as well! We are a team after all!
Ok I think this is a good starting point! Was that helpful? Doulas aren’t there to replace anyone! They are just a part of the team. Having a solid team to support you is your best bet in having a labor you are proud of! So talk to your partner! Share with him these reasons why a doula could be the best investment and let me know how it goes!
I have a download of these questions AND MORE so you can have them with you to help you talk with your partner! Get them straight to your phone. Go to bit.ly/8wayspartner to grab your download now!
Also did you know I am currently taking birth clients! August and September is currently closed for clients and I only have one opening for December and January. If you would like to meet for a free 1 hour consult you can schedule by going to calendly.com/birthblissbeyond/1hrconsult. It's never too early to hire a doula! Start your interviews today!
For those of you who want a doula but are unsure of if you want someone to attend your birth. Check out the Elite Package on my online course, The Empowered Mama’s Birth Guide where you will learn how to confidently navigate your pregnancy all the way to postpartum! You will get a doula and a birth class all in one! I will be there to guide you on your journey as you learn what decisions are best for you and your family. Check out the Elite Package by going to blissful-birth.teachable.com/empoweredmamasguide