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“No” is a complete sentence.
Before you can use this word effectively you will want to have a clear picture of what you want out of your birth experience.
Physiological Birth- Undisturbed birth
No the hospital
No to IV
No to induction
No IV meds
No Separation of baby and mom
No immediate cord clamping
No strapping down arms
So your first step is to know what you want from your birth. Once you know you can get some direction on what you want and what you don’t.
Keep in mind that “no” takes a lot of energy to say. Everytime ‘no’ is said it takes coming out of labor land, increasing fight or flight hormones which can slow labor and letting go of emotional energy to advocate for yourself. ‘No’ is powerful. It takes powerful energy to say.
True freedom comes when that word becomes unnecessary. You don’t have to worry about thinking about what you want and making a decision in a vulnerable moment. Your body was meant to labor and birth a baby without constant interruption and decision making. Some ways to avoid having to say no:
Birth at Home
Birth with a provider who is on board with you plan and respects the birth process
Tell your nurses to not ask you any questions unless absolutely necessary.
Hire a doula who can tune into your needs and will respect the quietness needed to birth a baby.
Many clients I have had have experienced the inconvenience of providers or nurses constantly asking questions in the middle of a contraction or when they are deep in the zone of labor. This pulls them out of a very necessary process and can lengthen the labor process.
No is powerful. Words have power and this one is great because it’s a complete sentence. You don’t have to explain yourself or your reasons why you’re saying no. You don’t owe that to anyone. It is helpful to know why you’re saying no for your own benefit. When you have a conviction and a purpose behind the word and this decision then you are much more likely to stick with it.
An example I think of is an epidural. Many women say they don’t want to have an epidural. They say it for reasons that don’t hold much conviction. They don’t know the stats, the risks or the benefits so when saying “no” to the epidural it only holds so much weight. If that decision is questioned by someone we see in authority and we don’t have the weight of conviction and knowledge behind us then we are much more likely to be persuaded into something that we originally thought we didn’t want. This is where education and birth plans come in. Not so much to use for at that moment but to build your conviction in the reasons why you are making certain decisions.
‘No’ means you have boundaries. You can work on being confident in boundary making during pregnancy. I can think of a few things I said no to and I got really good about knowing what my boundaries were during pregnancy. I said no to people touching my belly without permission, said no to having to tell people the details of my pregnancy/plans, no to listening to traumatic birth stories.
Setting boundaries is important. Feeling safe is an integral part of your birthing experience. This means that before you are in labor these should be established and your partner, and birth team should be on board and respectful. Again, this comes back to birth planning. It helps you communicate your wishes so you’re on the same page before labor.
Even I who is planning a homebirth have a birth plan. This is something that is communicated to my birth team and to my husband quite frequently. Being at home means I have a lot less decisions to make and advocate for. My plan right now looks like, no touching, no talking unless I ask. My first homebirth plan looked a lot different, I had written an addendum for if a transfer was needed mostly so my husband would know what I wanted and what I did since I knew he was going to be my best advocate.
If you take anything from this episode it’s to get comfortable during your pregnancy using this powerful word but also give yourself permission to not have be in a position to fight for what you want. Know what you want and then surround yourself with people who you won’t have to use this powerful word with.
You are strong, you are powerful and you’re in control of the decisions you make! We don’t always have control over what happens during our pregnancy and birth but we know that we can match decisions based on the outcome we want for our birth. We have more control then we think a lot of times. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with all of your options, nervous for what to expect, looking for real and raw information and maybe next steps in how to prepare for your birth you’re going to want to snag one of the last spots I have this month for a 60 minute birth planning session. This is intense, one on one time that has a pointed purpose and that is to guide you to the birth you want. Sometimes it takes a little bit of discovery and planning but we can work together to get you the support, encouragement and direction you need to feel empowered and confident for your birth. Schedule today by going to birthblissbeyond.com/birthplanning
Thank you for joining me today for this episode! I so hope you got some major value! If you did would you scroll down to the send button… paper airplane and send this to a friend who is pregnant and wanting an empowered birth experience? Share the love, share the power! We are in this together, as a community of women wanting better for our births!
Proud of you, stay empowered!
COVID-19 Birth Options & Resources: https://www.birthblissbeyond.com/post/coronavirus-pregnancy-resources FREEBIE: Top 5 Things Every Pregnant Mom Needs To Know: https://blissful-birth.teachable.com/p/5things 60-Minute Birth Planning Session: Are you feeling overwhelmed with all of your options? Maybe you don't even know where to start with a birth plan. Let me help you dream about your birth and guide you to the options that match the expectations you have for your big day! Schedule your 60-minute session now! www.empoweredbirthpodcast.com/birthplanning Purchase the Intuitive Mama’s Essentials, the basics every mom should know, including 15 questions to ask your provider, tips on avoiding an episiotomy, birth affirmations and a birth plan template: https://blissful-birth.teachable.com/p/the-intuitive-mamas-essentials IG: @empoweredbirthpodcast Are you looking for a tribe? For a community of strong women to hold you up when you feel like you're overwhelmed? To help guide you through different decisions during your pregnancy? Come join The Empowered Mama's Tribe on Facebook!